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It has been raining in Chennai…raining very beautifully. I love rain and love the world when it rains. I observe that the rain really turns something on inside the hearts of the Chennaiites who face the wrath of the sun at other times of the year..The essential difference between children and adults is blatant in these times.
Scene 1 Under the trees near the school 7.30 a.m.
Little kids splashing in puddles with anxious parents hollering at them. Wet shoes, wet socks, heavy schoolbags, rain-soaked faces, smiling . Wet leaves strewn all over the ground, wet red flowers…drooped and red..Swamp and mud…soiled clothes!
Scene 2 At the bus stop 7.45 a.m.
Two little kids, a boy and a girl have an open umbrella each…much bigger than they can handle. Both are in little green school uniforms. Their mothers gaze at the empty road for an invisible bus to arrive…The kids make a lot of noise. The little girl begins to attack the boy’s umbrella with her own. She says “We’ll fight” and both begin banging each others’ umbrellas, screeching and wild. Other anxious adults are wondering if the kids would hurt themselves. They are waiting for one of the umbrellas to go snap…
The mothers are oblivious to the noise and the fun. Suddenly, they realize that their kids are upto some mischief.The girl’s mother says “Eii…kudu!” and snatches the umbrella away. The girl has a long face and she protests. The boy’s mother has done her share in snatching his umbrella away. The umbrellas are folded; the kids are now perched on their mothers’ waists whining and sulking. Party’s over! Suddenly, a new game begins. The boy starts peeking at the girl over his mother’s shoulder and they make faces. The laughter begins again. The mothers are still worrying about the bus, the cooking, the grocery bills and the ruined wet shoes…
Scene 3 At the college 8.30 a.m.
People are running up and down the stairs and messy corridors…all the stone benches are covered with water and leaves. People walk as fast as they can to get away from the rain… Umbrellas, dupattahs, notebooks over their heads.. Nobody stops…nobody listens…nobody watches the rain and the mushrooms that have sprouted. Small caterpillars lay squished and dead!
Scene 4 Under a lonely tree 11.00 a.m.
Brown mushrooms have sprouted. A crow preens herself…she looks odd with a lopsided gaze and her feathers sticking out. A sparrow comes for a quick dive into a puddle. The grass is teeming with life. There are several caterpillars going up and down. Someone is sitting on a wet stone bench feeling the wetness crawl up the spine. Everything is greener than ever. The puddles have little bubbles and ripples erupting.
Scene 5 At the bus stop 1.00 p.m.
People wait with soiled pants indignant to cars that splash muddy water as they pass by. The electric cable looks like a string of pearls, little water droplets clinging onto it all the way. Pedestrians and cyclists are on the middle of the road…careful not to step into the water (who knows how many people spat in this water, what if there is a manhole or a pit, one will get filaria if one walks in this water..) Little kids splash barefoot in the water. Some adult comes and croaks at them. The little girls walk off shy and giggling. The little boys pretend like they did not hear the croak. Shoes have mud patterns all over. A dog gives himself a good shake spraying water all around… and scratches his neck. Nobody sits next to the windows on the buses..they don’t want dripping water and drizzle spray on their faces and clothes.
Scene 5 At the school 1.30 p.m.
A little kid wears a raincoat much bigger than him. His hands are somewhere hidden in its folds. He trudges behind his father with a huge boulder of a schoolbag on his back…hidden under the raincoat as well.
A little girl puts her hand out to feel the rain…as her mother carries her on her waist, under the cover of a huge colorful umbrella.
Scene 6 At the apartment 1.45 p.m.
At home, all clothes hang indoors with the smell of detergent. All windows are shut…the drizzle will wet the room. All the lights are on..darkness conquered. The television blares…the sounds of the rain, stifled…
In the dusty evenings
Dreams begin to hover
In thin air
Minds converge in lust
Swirling along with the dust
City lights breathe hot
Misty beams
The hourglass is fast
Quicken to conquer
People are speeding
On absurd contraptions
Like protons and neutrons
Caught in inescapable orbits…
As clouds of smoke and laughter
Gather in dark crevices
In growling dens
Glowing red eyes meet
Like clusters of cockroaches
Metallic sounds clang
Someone’s soul cry
Wails out of a CD.
Salty tears mingle
With sugary voices
And pangs of loneliness.
Suddenly, swarms collect on the streets
Lethargy sets in like an activity
Day faces change to nocturnal Mr.Hydes
There are years of effort
Displayed in glass cases
Like silent thronging greed.
Mannequins gaze from
Inside and outside…
A pall descends
Upon the nameless ones
Inside patched blankets
On the streets…
Profuse rotting excess
Is only for the eyes to feast upon.
Plump dogs run about in excitement
Not noticing the crumbs
Spilled in plenty.
A spiritual void
Smothers the noise
Zombies haunt the thoroughfare
Hearts pumping anaemic blood
Searching for a hint of solace.
Glittering lights Glittering jewels
Glittering eyes with eager surrender
Glitter on like
Tutankamhen’s gold…
Vehicle horns
Nauseate the ears
Fragrances of the unnatural kind
Emanate
Reeking like a burning tyre
Ethanol, alcohol, Nicotine and Marijuana
Somewhere in a nook
Another fresh mind gets impacted
Somewhere stop
And observe detached.
P.S: All poems have imaginary details… This one too…however the impression the city made on me is as real as real can be.
When life hammers your skull
Just smile
A masochistic dream…Why smile
Coz whatever you do the shit has to
Pass by you
The road is full of shards
Of glass and emotions
Your feet bleed
Then you don’t have sandals
Walk on and smile
Watch the horrors creep in silence
At night
All around you
Big and small and grotesque
See how you drown in tears
And smile
Watch the loneliness envelope you
Like a new and starched shroud
Smothering you with bear hugs
Well, smile
Watch your body bleed
Bent broken and beaten up
Your face out of shape
On the mirror
Distances across oceans
Between you and yourself
Then smile
Feel sick, cry, sulk
Slit your memories for
Scraps of fodder
To feed your loneliness
And smile
Pieces of happy faces
Faggots to keep the flame going
The flame of love
Cling on
But Smile
Life will hallucinate
Of shredding you
Life will be gagged
And bound
With constipated silence
When you smile…
There a triumphant smile
You smile…
“In spite of everything, I still believe people are good at heart” – Anne Frank
The period of questioning is over….answers are bludgeoning me …it is a miserable period to live through. I am on the green mile. Take me to the execution. It is not a giving up. It is just wanting to leave, when things are still ok…
Love is a myth. I believed in it. Love is neither given nor wanted. It is an unwanted commodity. Nobody wants it. Nobody would love you. If you love someone they will fear you. You would be an obnoxious character with ulterior motives.
“Beware!” they would say, “She loves!”
“Oh that one..”they would mock,”She loves!”
“Oh no!” they would say in disbelief,”She loves!”
“Psst..”they would whisper a scandal,”She loves!” and she loves stars and squirrels. Can you believe this? She needs a good spanking, the spoilt brat. Is she mad? It is a sin to love beggars, sin to love animals, sin to love the world, sin to love pain…
Now the person you love asks himself, “What if she takes up all my space. What if she demands all my time? What if she gets involved? What if she gets emotionally dependant on me? What if she blackmails? What is she reminds you of the things you told her?” Manipulate, be diplomatic or you are in for it…Find someone who would be cooking their own food, reading their own books, minding their business, having their own friends and probably shares your joys and sorrows and the bed as and when necessity arises ( if it is humanly possible for totally unconnected people to share joys and sorrows, let alone the bed!)
Never trust love from a stranger and never be a stranger when you give love to someone. The world turns innocence into hypocrisy. Now when I love someone I would not tell them. Then things get easier. Nobody blames you for anything.
When you love with all your heart and soul, you have to be afraid. Someone would tarnish your name, someone would pretend love and take you for a ride, someone will cheat you, someone will exploit you, someone will abuse you physically…the world says “Be careful!”
When someone proposes love to you, you have to suspect them or transform them or verify them. You have to light the matches before you buy them. You have to crush the flower to get its fragrance. You have to step on the person’s heart and check if everything is alright…the world says “Be careful!”
“Hey! Nobody would love without some intentions yaar! See what he really wants…maybe he wants to get physical and ditch you…maybe he is a psycho…there is no such thing called a free lunch…”
“How can you be so naiive? I want to protect you and save you from the clutches of the hypocritic world…”someone says. They may or may not keep their word. I give alms with good intentions but if the beggar misuses the money I gave him, is that my mistake? I wont be affected. You can cheat me, you can beat me up, break my heart, abuse me physically, treat me like shit, spit on me, pretend love, reject me, kill me…but I CHOOSE TO LOVE…I CHOOSE TO TRUST…
