So you asked me

What am I to you?

To me

You are that recurrence of hope
And an anticipation of pain

What is one more breath of oxygen
To a dying man?
Everything and Nothing.

What are you to me?

You are a wall
On which I paint forgetfulness
Forgotten pasts
Forgotten betrayals

And you are a window
To a world next door
Near yet far

Somewhere I don’t want to go
For fear of coming back
Some road I don’t want to take
For fear of losing track

I believe in love
And I think people speak the truth
After fifteen lies they would.
They have to.

They would be tired of inventing lies.

Then their truths would break all floodgates
And rush at me in glorious ugliness
I would gasp in gratitude
I prefer ugly truth to beautiful lies.

You are a little golden pin
In memory’s casket
Hidden for another day
A day that will never come

You are not poetry or rain
You are not the raven’s black
Or those black veins throbbing with vicious urge

You are simple, stolid and plain
As a book
Square, sweet-smelling
And full of pain

I remember I imagined love once
And I imposed love once
I remember I wept for love once
And I laughed at love once
I held tightly to some
Who never were there
And let go of some
Who were constantly around

I remember I saw his brown pupils
And loved them with all my heart
I could have held his curly head
In my bosom forever
But he was too beautiful a book
To be trapped in my claustrophobic library.

And there were many men
Many children
Many rainy days
I loved them all
To the last drop

I loved. Always. Silently. Somehow.

You.
Will be my silent sable
A table upon which I lean
And write
About precious hours
Of precious colours

You are the one
I would never possess
Never smother
You are mine
You are mine

You never gave me poems
Or songs or dreams
You gave me time
You gave me space
You gave my love its beautiful place

I can think straight
My feet are not off the ground
I will not dye my thoughts
With insane crimson and twilight pangs
But
I see us together forever
And along with you,
my love
and me
We have arrived.