Hollow of Fame Wallow of Shame

Today happens to be a Sunday. Unlike others I detest Saturdays and Sundays because they bring me closer to myself. The outside world and its splendours do not charm me. You could call me a recluse and a loner. I cannot say I was like this all my life. I was an extrovert who had more society than I could ask for. I think I had enough of people. It would not be wrong to say I am a misanthrope to a great extent. I slowly saw myself getting subdued and quieter. Nowadays I do not speak unless it is extremely necessary. However, the undying love I possess in me for a few friends and enemies makes me speak a lot.

I don’t prefer shallow, pseudo conversations about petty things. Certainly, what is petty to me need not be so to some others. Even then, I ask people to exclude me from certain kind of conversations.

I often wonder if I have to make myself live a life like others. I may even be a snob but I prefer remaining an uncontaminated snob than a social mongrel.

A poem by Bharathi sums it up beautifully!

Thaedi choaru nidham thindru – Pala
chinnanchiru kadhaigaL paesi – Manam
vaadi thunbam miga uzhandru – Pirar
vaada pala seyalgaL seidhu – Narai
koodi kizhapparuvam eidhi – Kodum
kootrukku irai ena pin maayum – Pala
vedikkai manidharai pola – Naan
veezhvaen endru ninaithaayo?

Seeking to find one’s daily bread
Talking of inconsequent tales
Wallowing broken-hearted in pain
Breaking other hearts with ill deeds
Greying and growing into old age
Dying as cruel Time’s preys
Like motleyed absurd men
Did you think I would fall?

Like Bharathi, I too propose not to fall like another brick in the wall or another one who bites the dust. This does not mean I am an ambitious person as many of you would like to interpret it. On the contrary, I refuse to play the game.

Here is a beauty by Pattinathaar. This too, I have typed out from memory. I am not sure of the errors.

NaapiLakka poiyuraithhu navanidhiyum thaedi
Nalamondrum ariyaadha naariyarai koodi
PoopiLakka poiyuraithu putreesal pola
Pulapulena kalakalena pudhalvargaLai petreer
Kaapadharkum vazhiyariyeer kaividavum maateer
Aapadhanai asaithu vitta kurangadhanai polae
Agappateer kidandhuzhala agappateerae.

Speaking tongue-splitting lies
You seek for nine kinds of wealth
Uniting with ignorant women
Uttering earth-splitting lies
Like termites infesting a colony
You produced children
Not knowing to fend for them
Nor will you let go of them
Like a monkey that moved the wedge
You are trapped to remain toiling
You are trapped.

Ah! Everytime I look back on “The Outsider” by Camus or “Metamorphosis” by Kafka, I eye my God to whom I leaped in faith and say, “God let me wallow differently! Lord, hallowed be thy name! Take me from the wallow of shame to the hollow of fame..” Hahaha!

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Cheap trick huh? After all that gyaan!!

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