Going to Pieces

“Going to Pieces” is terrible process. It feels like you have swallowed something that would neither sink in nor throw itself up. It always begins with a terrible shock. Like you are being flung headlong from a great height. It begins with denial and anger. As realization dawns, it becomes a dull, dull, dull day. It is what I would term a “sultry pain”. It neither clears up with a cool breeze nor with the child’s face. You run and run from it. It stays because wherever you go, you cannot run away from yourself. It is uncomfortable and kneads at your innards. It is plain suffering to say the least. It begins at the throat and travels in heavy waves across the chest and ends at the diaphragm with certain discomfort. It pains and you cannot groan. You cannot wince. You’d see your comforts taken care of but something would be terribly wrong. Restlessness and inability to speak up are characteristic of “Going to pieces”. Almost always, a part of your soul would be singed or shattered. You wish to console yourself thinking it must be some joke. But, like I once said in a poem, “Reality looms larger than life”. This dull pain is incommunicable. Almost always you will be ridiculed for complaining of any emotional sickness. As an added element..this one has no visible symptoms – no tears, no fever, no heart attack. Only to add to your long day. It is horrible. Writing about it helps, no doubt. Right now, I am in one of those processes, unfortunately. Once again in my life, I have found myself here. What fun! I have been here before. It only seems to get worse and amazingly enough, every time, the cause has been a betrayal. Long live, betrayal! It hurts like hell you bloody idiot. The most amusing in part in this amusing story of my life is that I am still here! I should have known. Life is a bitch. A sarcastic one at that. It refuses to kill me, this bloody damned son of a bitch prison. You won’t die of course! Try harder..hahaha! Life certainly won’t let me live. Give me a break. What were you thinking! This is a terrible war though. I have survived this before and it helps little to reduce my arrogance. I will stick around after this one and be ready to take ten more cannon shots right in my chest. What do you say!

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