Loving you…

My dearest

I was made this way. I never had a reason to love you for it to be snatched away and for my love to end. Loving you was never an effort or a burden. Loving you came to me like breathing. Now I am breathless. I realize that my own ways of loving someone were so beautifully expressed in the time I spent with you. I love myself when I love you.

Life is short. The pages ahead are a few in number. I have watermarked all of them with your image. It was a choice. It was certainly the sanest thing to do. Loving you is the most natural thing that I have been created for. I dont expect anyone to understand, not even you..

My heart has been in pieces for a long time now. Ever since I can remember hurts have accumulated. They lie in a pile in a dusty corner of my heart. I am too afraid to rummage through them. They choked me a lot before I knew you. After I knew you, the dimensions of life changed. What do I care for hurts now? Or for pain, or tears? What does anything or anyone mean to me? I shall be insane. In your love. I don’t see why I should participate in a real world and its play-acting. Let me be myself. If I were to be myself, then I will spend my life loving you.

Do I care for tomorrows? Would I be audacious enough to? I can only smile a “no”. My tomorrows are like the ever-changing hues of an evening. They evade me. I shall quit battling with them. They say tomorrows are made by today’s choices. I make only a single choice. Of loving you.

My dearest..all the moments we spent talking, in happiness, in tears of joy and of sorrow, all the consolations, the laughter, the pain, the longing, the distance, the faceless dreams, the formless fantasies; the most prolific period of my life.. what else was I expected to do, than love you day and night and weave dreams.. Do I feel so contented doing the other things of my life? Do others matter? The answer is an evident “no”. I shall delude myself into a throne in your heart and live there like an insane princess.

Fortunately, my dreams are insurmountably engulfed by walls of loneliness. There is no threat to my illusions. I have the right to insanity within the fortress of my dreams. There is none to condemn or criticize my dreams. I can laugh at the world for all the moulds they cast for me. In my dream world, all their moulds are tightly sealed in glass cases where they suffocate to death. My own dreams flutter about in the mist surrounded by love and laughter.

I shall love you feverishly. Even when it means nothing to you. Loving you is its own reward. If silent nights bring my memories back to you, smile to yourself and drift into blissful sleep. I shall not love anyone but you. Laugh and dream up your wings with feathers. Fly away and free..

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