nowhere again..

This is perhaps the last mail of this kind I will write to you or
anyone else. I am beginning to think if I should start moving away from
people and isolate myself somewhere where nobody can find me or have to
tolerate me.

Today S pinged me. I have not been talking to him properly in the
recent past because he has been trying to make me feel bad everytime I
talked to him. So I have been avoiding him. Today he came online and
pinged me on his own. I started talking generally and suddenly he
started hurling accusations at me. He said things like I am trying to
intrude in his space and that I talk too much about myself. He hurt me
by saying things like “Thinking of you gives me a bad taste in my
mouth”. I dont know what I have done this time. He says that this is
why B also left me.. and that I try to behave like I possess him.
None of these things are true. I am scared. What is with me? Is
something terribly wrong with me coz this is happening to me over and
over again? I cannot contain myself. I am crying at office. I am a mess.

I am really scared to ask you for help coz I dont want you to feel the
same way as he did. Maybe I should blog this mail than send it to you. Perhaps an angel will find it and help me..I dont want to be a burden. I am sorry.

3 thoughts on “nowhere again..

  1. sometimes, when clouds come over, and you know i can’t see too well then, fresh white roses appear rotten, trampled and infected. and i run out of words.

  2. Oh no…I dont hate him…not at all..

    I am taking his words seriously…if not why would it affect me so much…

    As for taking a relook (or whatever that is) at myself…I am doing it all the time..

    ..and I think I am fine.. just that I cannot understand the ways of the world…and am very bad at pretending or holding myself and my emotions back..

    Guess what….I too have a certain number of people who understand me the way I am and accept me for it.. includes S.

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