Sisyphus Dreams

Outside the window a rain is falling… somebody else’s rain… I just
bury my face in my pillow and sleep. Within the walls of this room my
musical dreams dare to fall like tears. They are shy of strangers…
and they fall slowly like the raindrops that fall when we kiss in a
dream. And they sleep with me… burying their heads in my pillow. We
sleep.

And we don’t wait for it to dawn… we wait for the night to
linger on like the resonances of a mist. And we ignore the first rays
of the indecent sun that dares to trespass on our tryst with
melancholy..me and my dreams… the noises of daylight make their tiny
wings to wither like softness suffocated.. and reality pinches.

I watch your countenance waft across the room with the fallen
feathers… in its slowness and sad sweetness it looks like someone I
have never known. The shadows have begun their strolling around me..
they fall gently and unpardonably heavily on me. All music is you..

Futility has gathered me in its lovingly strangling arms…
and I surrender. The only arms I desire are distant, misty, and feel
like a single clumsy kiss. For something lost and irrevocable I am
punished with more irrevocable losses… I feel my body… my scar and
remember its presence lovingly.. I cannot afford to lose my
self-love…

I wait till immortality swathes me in its promises and thrusts
more dreams into my night… I see a distant day in your arms… with
your voice.. and your fragrance. A day when all cruelty in this motley
world disappears with a heavy downpour… after which everyone is
acceptable… incomplete as they may be. Incomplete as I am, I drag
myself with this burden I cannot hope to unload… like Sisyphus I
heave my way uphill and come back down… Yet some day on the way a
flower would grow to soften my struggle down… and then many flowers..
I would watch the clouds shift shapes and the changing hues of the sky
from twilight to twilight…And I would see the full moon wane and grow
back…and the waves that recede and come back… and the music that
subsides and resurrects..

I will sing wild songs that I alone can decipher… I will
watch you grow out of touch.. with me and my dreams… if you come back
like a moon night you will be surprised to see them intact… and you
will find someone complete and forget incomplete me… but I would grow
back when you are invisible… I will grow in dreams like a gargantuan
ocean and an overnight mountain…

And I will sit at the seashore watching the myth of a
blueness… seeing only gray.. the ships sinking into the horizon like
wingless birds… and I will take my absent guitar and strum…

Our
first kisslessness will haunt me in the candle’s stupor…and my nights
will have more wilting dream wings…yet like tiny stars they would
regrow and rearrange themselves into magnificent constellations…

You. The one sensibility that governs my being. So as I
spend the gloom of a warm climate and you of a cold one, across several
oceans let my remnants travel towards you… only you…

3 thoughts on “Sisyphus Dreams

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