I am insecure. Let me admit. I feel old and unattractive. And I feel stupid. I wish I would grow up and not seek the approval of other people but unfortunately for me I have given some people the power to trample over me.
How I wish I was someone else! Damn damn damn! And everyone has been telling me I’m fine.. and I cannot believe them.. whereas I would willingly believe someone who tells me I’m not ok. Low self-worth? Whatever you wanna call it… It sucks!
I only wish I could see my own worth… for whatever it is… and not compare myself to some entities who outwardly seem better than me. I want to believe I’m good in my own way, with whatever I have been through…
I have been tough through the worst periods of my life but at other times I’m all over the place for something extraordinarily silly.
I keep wondering if I seem like an oddball because I cannot do all the things that other people do in order to fit in… I AM AN ODDBALL. There is no doubt. Sometimes I wish I was as unimaginative and superficial as certain others I meet day after day.
My hair looks horrible no matter what I do to it. I look like Severus Snape (if that is a consolation!) Gawd I wish I stopped wishing to be like those people who I wish I was never like. It all boils down to this fact that I am terribly confused.
Should I stop worrying about such insignificant things and look forward to my ten-day trip to Bangalore?