What’s with these goddamned moron people who get access to the internet!
I hate answering the following questions at all times of the day and I do not intend to ever answer them without giving the questioner a piece of my cranky mind.
Moron: How is life?
Me: Well… like a piece of crap! So? Should I say “great”,”good”, “bad” and some such made up shit every time you ask me this question? I wish someone invented a How-is-life-answer-generator!
Moron: How was your day?
Me: Wait… I don’t exactly recollect what happened through the day… and even if I do, I have not started judging it and evaluating it. I do not intend to sum up a chunk of my life in one crappy answer for you! Every bloody day I’ve been giving you the same answer, so when will you stop asking?
Moron: Had lunch?
Me: (grumpily) Yeah!
Moron: What did you have?
Me: What are you gonna do with the details? I might have had mammoth brain soup for all I care.. hey I have better things to do than spell out my lunch menu to morons over the internet!! Understand?
Moron: Had dinner?
Me: (Grumpily again) No!
Moron: When will you have?
Me: What difference does it make to your moronic existence? Is this what you do all day? Sit on the messenger like you have a bunch of interesting, important things to say and ask the same questions to everyone all day long and get the same answers from all of them! Do you remember if the rest of them had dinner? If they did, then do you remember the menu and the recipes for all the things they ate? Why don’t you just shut up and vanish!
Moron: What’s special? 🙂 (Variation of “What’s news?”)
Me: Well.. that’s the most original question I have seen in a long time. And the smiley to add to the smugness of your niceness! Just shut up or kiss my special a**!!
Moron: What plans for the weekend?
Me: Hey if you want to ask me out for coffee just do so. However, I might turn you down for all you know if you ask in this manner… and if I already have some plans I’m not telling you! So, scram!
Moron: How is work?
Me: Should I tell you about the man I pushed from the fifteenth floor for asking me the same question? Will you understand if I told you? And will you remember? You won’t! If I want to tell you, I will do it myself. Meh!
Moron: How is your health?
Me: If something was wrong, you’d have known by now! I won’t be sitting here and typing, if I had grown an extra nose last night!
Moron: How is Chennai?
Me: Well actually… a huge glacier melted and Chennai went underwater. I’m sitting on a small hillock and I managed to fish this computer out of the deluge and here I am. Woo hoo!
Moron: How is Wipro?
… Please please please spare me these questions. I shall write out all my property to your children.. as soon as I earn it! 😥