Note: There are many people who are scandalized when I speak the truth, I cannot be fulfilling their need to be in denial.
Dear sir, I read through your article titled “Reflections on Career Choices and Success” on your website. I need some help with understanding my own choices in life and I believe you can help me understand something that will make my inner confusion go away.
My father is Mr. R.Ravichandran who was your batch mate at the IIT and he had mentioned you to me several times with reverence. I also think that you must be a very different kind of a person to have followed your calling and not fallen for what is popular or mainstream. I have read just one book by J.Krishnamurti named “Freedom from the Known” and I altogether gave up reading and so many other things after that. Although I started reading again, the messages in “Freedom from the Known” were strong enough to make me discard most things that are projected as superior in the world.
I had a kidney failure at the age of 20 and I was on dialysis for almost a year after which my father donated his kidney to me. I suffered a lot of physical pain which cannot be dealt with either philosophically or rationally. However, that period helped me evolve into a quieter being. My awareness for experiences heightened and I am my own master. Due to this, I am sometimes perceived to be irrational, impulsive, arrogant, irreverent or rebellious.
My health condition means that I must earn a good sum of money to provide for my own medication. I have worked for some major corporates in the past 4 years (including Wipro and Accenture) and life is increasingly monotonous and pseudo. I have repeatedly considered becoming a writer, a translator, a teacher, an artist and a number of other things. I also applied at “The School” over 3 times and did not attend the interview when I was called (because I had got a job at Wipro.) Over a period of time, I have also become a cynic because of disillusionment. When money governs art, teaching or writing, rules have already been laid out for how things should be done. Even ‘passion’ is defined and art often involves fake social interactions, lies and deadlines. Why do human beings transform everything into a process that produces an output? I have sometimes written pages and not saved them because the process of writing was more interesting to me than the byproduct that was on the paper.
Would you tell me if there is some work I can do apart from the moneymaking that I have to force myself into? I want to spend time with real people and learn from them about being uninhibited, creative and honest. I am tired of the know-it-all box that binds me in its clutches. I fear becoming broke and penniless (and becoming a burden on others) but I still have conflicts with the work I do and I am always trying to escape towards that ideal world and a dream job. Is the struggle endless for all humans because life keeps brewing new conflicts? I am asking you because somewhere I imagine that you have managed to merge “what is” with “what should be” or have you?
It is not necessary for you to reply to this mail but I am sure it will make a difference to me if you did.