Risen

I fell in love with a dangerous reality-practitioner… now I hurt because he makes me feel bad for the way I am.

I am unreal. Unreliable. I trusted and my time was wasted by many many people. And so I chose to retaliate by doing the things I wanted to do, in the time that I had. They don’t like it. They can’t take it. They want me to become a frozen fossil.

“Wait,” they say, “we want to watch you turn into a fossil.” Follow our rules. Loyalty, fidelity, chastity, reality, integrity… they give me these beautiful titles on a golden platter but I’m their slave. I should pawn off my time and wait… wait and wait and wait…

Second-hand human beings who cannot make choices… cannot make things happen… cannot stand up for themselves and their desires… cannot fight for their dreams…

So, if I wait like Penelope… then perhaps I’d get what I want when it is too old and unfit for my liking…

I’m a rule-breaker, a freak, a law-defier, a dreamer and a shameless fighter who runs after my dreams… if you cannot match my speed, then you’d be left behind. I’ll miss you… I’ll cry for you… I’ll mourn your absence and I’ll hurt all over… but I cannot stop… I have to keep going… I cannot stop for your dead monuments built of falsities and empty promises.

:'( Pet Peeves

What’s with these goddamned moron people who get access to the internet!

I hate answering the following questions at all times of the day and I do not intend to ever answer them without giving the questioner a piece of my cranky mind.

Moron: How is life?
Me: Well… like a piece of crap! So? Should I say “great”,”good”, “bad” and some such made up shit every time you ask me this question? I wish someone invented a How-is-life-answer-generator!

Moron: How was your day?
Me: Wait… I don’t exactly recollect what happened through the day… and even if I do, I have not started judging it and evaluating it. I do not intend to sum up a chunk of my life in one crappy answer for you! Every bloody day I’ve been giving you the same answer, so when will you stop asking?

Moron: Had lunch?
Me: (grumpily) Yeah!
Moron: What did you have?
Me: What are you gonna do with the details? I might have had mammoth brain soup for all I care.. hey I have better things to do than spell out my lunch menu to morons over the internet!! Understand?

Moron: Had dinner?
Me: (Grumpily again) No!
Moron: When will you have?
Me: What difference does it make to your moronic existence? Is this what you do all day? Sit on the messenger like you have a bunch of interesting, important things to say and ask the same questions to everyone all day long and get the same answers from all of them! Do you remember if the rest of them had dinner? If they did, then do you remember the menu and the recipes for all the things they ate? Why don’t you just shut up and vanish!

Moron: What’s special? 🙂 (Variation of “What’s news?”)
Me: Well.. that’s the most original question I have seen in a long time. And the smiley to add to the smugness of your niceness! Just shut up or kiss my special a**!!

Moron: What plans for the weekend?
Me: Hey if you want to ask me out for coffee just do so. However, I might turn you down for all you know if you ask in this manner… and if I already have some plans I’m not telling you! So, scram!

Moron: How is work?
Me: Should I tell you about the man I pushed from the fifteenth floor for asking me the same question? Will you understand if I told you? And will you remember? You won’t! If I want to tell you, I will do it myself. Meh!

Moron: How is your health?
Me: If something was wrong, you’d have known by now! I won’t be sitting here and typing, if I had grown an extra nose last night!

Moron: How is Chennai?
Me: Well actually… a huge glacier melted and Chennai went underwater. I’m sitting on a small hillock and I managed to fish this computer out of the deluge and here I am. Woo hoo!

Moron: How is Wipro?
Me: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

… Please please please spare me these questions. I shall write out all my property to your children.. as soon as I earn it! 😥

Conditioning

Note: Read alternate lines for happy poem and sad poem. 

On wet ground
dry
Let us lie with the rain falling
blood
On our blushing faces
scorched

Let us walk on cool grass
cracked earth
Flowers kissing our feet
wilting under our feet

Come let us make a little song
wail and mourn
Sing it in whispers
In cacophony
And watch pages flutter
tear
Laughing like babies
the hyenas at the grave

And talk to the ants
insignificant
Watch them scurry
like meaninglessness
Hugging tiny sugar crystals
like a purpose

Then we shall clasp our fingers
clutch at our throats
And sleep like lovers
the silently dead
Quietly with curls of hair
Guiltily
Dancing in the breeze
Dying with the sunset.

Come we will smile
With our masks on
Make dimples
At old age
Kisses and lots of love
Forgotten
Like plump, carefree birds
Fallen in the frost
Let us be noisy in summer
And contemplative in winter.

But will you come?

So many things!

Work has kept me tied down and therefore the lack of updates here… sorry!

My life had this long period of lull and suddenly too many things are happening at once and I’m so confused. Hope I come out of all the extra attention (unwanted and otherwise), unscathed!

And worst part is, I can’t write poems! 😦
They are all hiding under the bed or some place.. should find them soon and whack them soundly!

I got a new bunny with floppy ears. My teddy bear is jealous but let him face it.. this is life! 😡

Why should one have only one crush at a time? So boring! 😦

I’ve been flirting so bad in the past one month that I think I can write a book on the subject… god save me from obnoxious men who talk about surrealism, che guevara, and gorky! But then there is no god of course! 😦

How does one study Math? What the hell is it supposed to be?  Why can’t they leave the numbers be?

Friend: What is 24/40?

Me: Ummm! 24/40.

Friend: No! It is 3/5!

Me: :-s Go away you freakkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!

I’m surrounded by Math monsters… my bunny save me! (He is real unlike God!)

To All of You

S, I’m sorry… I could not afford to lose you.
R, I feel cheated but I’m not reacting.
N, don’t try to kill yourself again. I may not be around the next time.
JC, yeah, we’ll continue to fight our fights.
Vi, ……. I have nothing to say… The way you screw up our lives!
C, sorry if I crossed my limits. My idea of fun is different from the Bible’s.
M, I think of you often but we know it is the “road not taken”
_, you’re still nameless and I feel incapable of proving my reliability.
_, you’re nameless too and right now you’re important because I’m lonely.
T, thanks for stealing what I imagined was my future.

Yeah, and it will only get better!